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Top 5 Best Ways to Spoil The Dark Knight Rises

As the summer movie season draws to a close, and the phrase “back to school” becomes an objective reality rather than a prophecy of future doom for students (or promise of reprieve for parents), it may seem like opportunities to derive joy from this summer’s comic book movies are running out, but there is still some fun to be had.  With this in mind, I proudly bring you the top 5 ways to spoil the ending of The Dark Knight Rises to your friends.

This is our second top 5 list this month, because Comical Musings does not officially condone or encourage the spoiling of comic-related movies, but I, Hal, wanted to give you a few ways to chase away the end-of-summer blues.  And I was bored.

***SPOILER ALERT – It should come as no surprise that this post contains spoilers.  If you zealously guard your ignorance of movie plots and you haven’t seen The Dark Knight Rises, then you should go read some other post.  Punk Rock Jesus sounds interesting…

So at this point you may be thinking that everyone has either seen The Dark Knight Rises already or doesn’t care how it ends.  This is not true.  The fact that I still had to include the spoiler warning above indicates that there are still some people out there who care.  There may be some Batman fans that just haven’t gotten around to it yet.  Then there are the miserly scoundrels who will patiently wait months for it to reach the discount theaters.  *Scowls at mirror and slowly shakes head.*

If you correctly interpreted my self-directed disapproval, you realize that I, in fact, have not seen The Dark Knight Rises, but I know the ending…?            At this point you may be wondering if I am writing this post out of spite because someone spoiled the movie for me.  I assure you I am not.  I am mischievous, not malicious.  I figured it out over time from some of the spoilers below.  However, as with most things I write, the information contained in this post is highly suspect and subject to interpretation.  Take it with a grain of salt, unless you are on a low-sodium diet.  Comical Musings is not responsible for what you choose to do with this information or for the repercussions you bring upon yourself.  With that said, on with the show!

5.  Take your friend on a trip to New Jersey

Be sure to visit Newark, and if possible say “hi” to mayor Cory Booker.  He would be glad to tell you about how Newark buildings were used in The Dark Knight Rises.

4.  Include the spoiler in a blog post about something completely unrelated

Letter From The Editor:  Don’t let your writers do this.

3.  Say it with a meme

I’m partial to Batman slapping Robin, but you could also use Scumbag Steve or Shocked Batman (above).  Get creative.  Submit your own spoiler memes in the comment section below.

2.  Show them this clip from David Letterman

I promise this is not a Rick Roll.

And the #1 way to spoil the ending of The Dark Knight Rises for your friends is…

In a discrete way, lovingly tell your friend that Bruce Wayne is ALIVE at the end of The Dark Knight Rises, and almost all of the information in the blog they just wrote is wrong.  Then tell him or her that it’s okay, and that they are still your favorite blog author.  Encourage them to actually see the movie because you’ve heard that knowing the ending won’t ruin their enjoyment of the film.  This is best done at a cafe in Italy, but your local McDonalds will also work.

We really do encourage you to see The Dark Knight Rises and discuss it with other comic book enthusiasts (in a way that won’t send them into a vengeful rage.)  If you can wait several months and you have an extra dollar, I’ll see it with you.

~Hal~

About Hal

Favorite Comics: Flaming Carrot, Prophet, Dial 'H', Silver-age Green Lantern

Defining Quote: "Y'all don't want to hear me, ya just want to dance." -Andre 3000

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