Greetings and welcome to Comical Musings. February is the home of Valentine’s Day. St. Valentine’s Day began as a liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints named Valentinus. The most popular martyrology associated with Saint Valentine was that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians, who were persecuted under the Roman Empire; during his imprisonment, he is said to have healed the daughter of his jailer Asterius. Legend states that before his execution he wrote “from your Valentine” as a farewell to her. The day was first associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. By the 15th century, it had evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”). So that came from Wikipedia, but February’s Top 5 comes from comic books. I present to you the Top 5 Most Dysfunctional Couples In Comic Books.
5. Cyclops, Jean Grey, and Emma Frost –
This seems an odd couple to lead off with. If you were to list things that make this a little awkward, you could easily say: “there are three of them,” or “one of them is dead,” and you would be right in both cases. But in Marvel Comics, this unusual trio has been the X-Men’s power couple for years. Cyclops leads the X-Men. Jean Grey is the great love lost in his life. Emma Frost was an enemy that saw the light and switched sides, rising through the ranks of X-leadership. It seems pretty cut and dry, but where it gets kinky is that Emma Frost has taken on the appearance of Jean Grey for Cyclops’ salacious interests many times. Also, although Jean Grey is dead, her past self recently time-traveled to the present. That puts bad boy Cyclops face to face with his love at her purest…when he fell for her. I’m not super sure how any of them can sleep at night.
4. Scarlet Witch and Vision –
Plain and simple. Scarlet Witch is a mutant with reality-altering powers that created the House Of M, supremely screwing with the universe. The Vision is a robot that turns intangible. It’s not that they fell in love and had weird magic babies, it’s the fact that it wasn’t a big deal to bronze age comic enthusiasts. The Scarlet Witch goes crazy and everything just gets incredibly messy, but one fact remains. A robot…and a weird lady…fell in love and have magic babies. That’s their dysfunctional love story.
3. Robot and Monster Girl –
Robot and Monster Girl are a hot young couple in the “Invincible” universe of Image Comics. Robot is a clone of another hero named Rex Splode with genius intellect and the ability to build and manipulate robotic automatons. Monster Girl is a young lady with an old soul and a magic incantation that makes her into a big monster. When in monster form, she is giant, green, and scaly. While having relationship problems in another universe, Monster Girl has a romantic encounter with a female alien whilst in monster form. We only find out later that the female alien had given birth to their son who grew up into a hateful war criminal. Apparently Monster Girl is a man when in monster form. That is a white elephant that is most likely always in the room.
2. Thanos and Mistress Death –
Thanos wants to die. So much so that he has fallen in love with Death. To be in love with a state of being is one thing. To be in love with the state of being non-existent is something else. To pursue and court Death in such a way as to end everything is a little obsessive, a little crazy, and completely dysfunctional.
1. Green Arrow and Black Canary –
Our top spot on this Top 5 is occupied by Oliver Queen and Dinah Lance. The couple that everyone rooted for. The couple that’s sexy banter and superhero hijinks were infectious. They had every reason to work, but it just seemed like every time things were going to be normal, this couple couldn’t catch a break. She stabbed him on their wedding night for gosh sakes! (There might be a spoiler there if you dig). It just seems that every five minutes someone in the family is in danger or a new villain needs to be killed and shortly after their “Marriage Special,” it was almost like they were separated. I guess lone wolves don’t have time for love. Green Arrow and Black Canary end up number one on this list because they are the most normal couple on the list and still can’t make it work.