Welcome to Comical-Musings and this month’s Top 5 list. The Avengers has taken in about $1,305,807,202 so far and has rocketed it’s cast to even more fame than they possessed before the film came out (you’re welcome Mark Ruffalo). The film is destined to do well when it is no longer in theaters and The Avengers 2 will, no doubt, be a similar success. One thing that I thought about after watching the film is that there are many, many Avengers that weren’t featured. Some of them would have been cool on screen, but some of them could have easily ruined the movie with how goofy or dated they were. That leads me to the “Top 5 Avengers That Could Have Ruined The Movie.” I brought Hal along, since he is so chatty lately.
Hal: Ruining the Avengers movie seems like no small task. A good writer/director could work-in even the lamest of heroes and use them effectively. On the other hand, Michael Bay could have ruined the Avengers even with its current cast. With that said, here is a list of the Top 5 characters whose inclusion would have probably been a detriment to the film.
5. The Sentry
Hal: The general public doesn’t know the Sentry; he’s not a classic Avenger. In the Marvel universe his existence was previously wiped from the world’s memory, and it would have been better had it stayed that way. He is basically a blonde Superman, and the limits of his powers are as yet undetermined. But given that he possesses the “power of one million exploding suns” his inclusion would have necessitated an exponential increase in the strength of the movie’s villain, reducing the contribution of un-powered heroes (Black Widow, Hawkeye). I would cast Mark Pillow, who played Nuclear Man in Superman IV, as The Sentry.
Deaux: Bob Reynolds is famous on Ifanboy.com for being a terrible character with undefined powers. He doesn’t fit in the Marvel universe, but we are asked…nay forced to pretend that he does. Hal is right that he is a Superman-esque character and he has a great deal of baggage (other personalities) that would take too much explaining. The only positive thing about it would be when Anna Paquin would guest star as Rogue and talk about how the Sentry took her virginity (yes, that happened in the comics) when she was SUPER young and while he was SUPER married. Only “awkward” could come of it.
4. The Human Torch
Hal: If he were once again portrayed by Chris Evans, then things might get confusing with the same actor playing Cap. And if his inclusion could make the Avengers as good as the Fantastic Four movies, it would ruin the Avengers.
Deaux: I have thought a great deal about if when the Earth goes up against Thanos, the films could cross over. I think Chris Evans could play Cap and they could keep the Torch on fire (computer animated) the whole time he is on screen. Where I foresee problems is having Evans do the acting for both of them. Johnny Storm is very cocky and young and Steve Rogers is respectable. When I saw the Avengers movie, I kept thinking of how much more grown up Chris Evans seemed. Putting him on screen with a computer generated version of himself would remind us of the Fantastic Four movie and that would cheapen the Cap experience.
3. Jack Of Hearts
Hal: “Half of his body is purple. He dresses in a playing-card themedcostume with a conspicuous arrow. He is capable of generating “zero energy.” Do I need to describe this character further? If he had to be brought to life on film, I believe he could be adequately portrayed by Jon Hamm; at least their initials are the same.”
Deaux: I don’t know much about Jack Of Hearts, personally. He is kind of ridiculous looking and I find it suspect that all I recollect him doing was dying in Avengers: Disassembled. He would be a non-factor and his death would mean far less than Phil Coulson’s. I also think that it would be tough to sell him as even slightly realistic. I see it failing and think that not even John Hamm could save this movie if he was playing this character.
Hal: I’m assuming Ben Affleck would once again step into the role and the
vinyl suit. If you saw the Daredevil movie, there is no denying that
this would ruin the Avengers. Did you see the Daredevil movie?
Deaux: It’s a telltale sign that while the character of Daredevil continues to find constant success in the medium of comic books, it could not have translated much worse to film than it did. It is similarly telling that while Daredevil’s solo book flourishes, he is hardly even memorable in the Avengers storylines that he has been a part of. If you put Daredevil in this movie, it would ruin this movie. If you put Affleck in the spandex, it wouldn’t just ruin the movie, but it would most likely become visual poison to all who ingested it. This is funny to joke about because as much as it cost to make Daredevil, Marvel agrees with us and would NEVER do this.
1. 3-D Man
Hal: He’s three times as strong as a normal person, he can see things (and smell things) three times as well as a normal person, and his costume is three times as ugly as anyone
else’s. While in this age of unnecessary 3D effects it might be tempting for film makers to include a character with 3-D in his name, it would end up seeming as silly and dated as the red and blue 3D glasses that originally inspired his powers. I would cast him as Donald Glover.
Deaux: 3-D Man is a pretty dumb character and why would you only want to be “three times” as strong as a normal person. This is the mild salsa version of a hero. A human being runs 12-15 mph. This means that 3-D Man would not be able to catch up to a car on the freeway. The average weight that a human being can lift is approximately 150 pounds. Picking up 450 pounds is no joke, but it’s not enough to handle even the most pedestrian superheroics. The only time I remember 3-D Man being even slightly valuable would be that he had the ability to see through the Skrulls’ disguises in Secret Invasion. If they built continuity for the costume from the 1950′s and then had Donald Glover inherit the goggles from his dad if they tried to do a Secret Invasion storyline in the third Avengers movie, it could work. Otherwise, it could ruin the movie.