Welcome to “What Comics to Watch for on Wednesday,” our weekly work where we do what the name says while maximizing alliterative W’s. Every week Scott does his best to recommend a few titles worth your time. Then he occasionally lets me write it, and everything goes off the rails. But don’t worry, where we’re going we don’t need rails…
Anyway, Scott suggested we recommend these:
Astro City #36
Green Arrow #1
I Hate Fairyland #6
Vote Loki #1
Star Wars Han Solo #1
…but his descriptions didn’t make me paranoid enough. So this week I, Hal, bring you the comics most likely to contain subliminal messages.
Due to their visual nature, comics are usually rife with subliminal messages. And there is often a significant overlap between the comics Scott recommends and the comics on the subliminal message watch list. For instance, last week Scott personally verified that Wacky Raceland #1 contained the hidden message that DC hates both your childhood and all cartoon dogs.
So adjust your Rowdy Roddy Piper glasses and let’s take a look at what they’re trying to put into your brain this week.
Astro City #36
All the Astro City comics contain the same message: “Keep buying Astro City comics.” That’s why Scott recommends it every time a new issue is published. The real dramatic tension in this comic arises as readers ask themselves: “When will Astro City get Rebirthed?” It will probably happen when DC realizes that Astro is also the name of a cartoon dog, and tries to ruin Astro City by making it edgy and filled with hipster-beard wearing emoji.
Green Arrow #1
Subliminal message: wealth makes you good at archery. I never realized Green Arrow lives in Seattle. Has he always lived there? Dude, you’re rich; go live somewhere nice. Green is not a creative color.
Weird Detective #1
This is a subliminal two-for-one. First, it secretly conveys the message that writers can’t come up with creative titles for their comics any more. “Let’s see, it’s about a detective, but he’s also weird… I think I’ve got it.” Along these lines, most other comics would just be named “Super Hero.” Second, it carries the hidden implication that there are normal detectives. Sure this comic is about a guy who investigates Lovecraftian Cthuthlu monsters, but all detectives are weird in some way. Batman is “the world’s greatest detective” and he has a major bat fetish. He’s the best. They’re all weird.
I Hate Fairyland #6
From what I hear, this has been a good series. Of course, I hear that from people who aren’t as woke as me. From issue one, I Hate Fairyland has been based on the hidden message that it’s okay to hate things that don’t exist. These days it has become accepted practice in society to hate and denounce things that are immaginary. From the zika virus to the patriarchy, people spend a lot of time and energy chasing shadows. Wake up sheeple! The sun is a hologram. Get on my level.
Vote for Loki #1
This looks like a fun comic. Ha ha. Look, Loki is running for president. I’m sure zany adventures will ensue. It’s amusing because it’s a comic book; this couldn’t possibly happen in real life. THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK! Stop for a minute. Do you have any evidence that either, if not both, of the two major party candidates aren’t secretly Loki? If they were Loki wouldn’t that answer a lot of questions? Marvel has been talking a lot about the presidential race lately. They know something. Now you do too. Thank me in November.
Tales from the Dark Side #1
Do I even need to explain this one? Just look at the cover. Everyone is asleep except the ugly outcast. He’s sad and alone because he dares to face the waking nightmare that is reality. Message: stay asleep, be part of the crowd, ignore the truth, don’t wear hoodies. If you’re looking for something to encourage you to continue to be an oblivious mushroom of a person, or you’re a fan of the 80’s TV show, you’ll love this comic.
Wait, did I just discuss all the comics that Scott told me to recommend? Maybe I’ve been manipulated this whole time?! UNSHACKLE MY MENTAL PROCESSES, YOU INVISIBLE PUPPET MASTERS!!!!!!!!!!
Well, it looks like my ability to see the subliminal truth buried in comics may have been compromised by unseen forces. Do these comics actually contain secret messages? You’ll just have to buy them and check for yourself. I won’t be able to tell you, because you can no longer trust what I say. Unless…
Maybe I maintained enough focus to embed a secret message in this blog post. Maybe I used the first letter of each line, like an acrostic poem. But I probably jumbled the letters or used a code to hide it from the secret overlords who are seeking to silence my truth. You should probably spend all week thinking about it and trying to decode it. Let me know what you come up with in the comments. Until then, question everything.